You know that "best if used by" date we've come to rely on when grocery shopping or cooking? Well, what if there was an expiration date on dating? What if after a certain point in your relationship you reach a "use it or lose it" point?
I happen to think there's some wisdom in the expiration date. I mean, how long can you keep something before it spoils or just turns into a bad idea when you try to get just one more use out of it? To me, dating is a lot like that. How long can you date before it turns unhealthy, bad for you, something you should have gotten rid of a long time ago?
Case and point -- one of my husband's friends. He's been dating his...girlfriend...for five years now. Off and on, of course. She recently bought a condo that he was going to share with her but then he backed out at the last minute...because he didn't "trust" her. That led her to put the ix-nay on him moving in. But they stayed together. Then on Christmas he decided he just couldn't take anymore. They argued -- all instigated by her, let him tell it -- and he said he just had enough. Until new year's, when they spent the evening together.
So...five years and he still doesn't trust her??? Five years and they should be sending out thank you letters after the wedding.
But let's not pick on him. Take me, for example. I met my husband when I was just shy of 22. Now, granted, I was on a faster track toward marriage than he was (I saw engagement in a year, he thought more like three years); but there was definitely an end in sight. I told him from the onset that if we weren't married or at least engaged after five years, then we needed to break up and move on with our lives. The way I see it, if you don't know after five years, you're never going to know. So why waste any more of each other's time? You know, the "use by" date.
Which....brings me back to his friend. Five years has come and gone, and it's time to start checking that expiration date.
I've had some of my friends tell me, "you can't put a time on love" and "why not just go with the flow and let it happen when it happens" -- to which I respond, give me a break! Nobody needs that much time to make a decision. Life is about forward movement. It's unhealthy when you don't grow at a normal pace; it's unhealthy to eat expired food; and it's unhealthy to continue dating ad infinitum. Now...if neither of you wants to get married and you both agree and are on the same page about it -- great. But when one of you wants to move forward and the other isn't moving with you, for whatever reason, it's time to check the expiration date.
I have a coworker whose roommate's dating situation is less than ideal, to put it delicately. She is waiting for some major life changes to happen with her man so they can "be together." OK, fine. And naturally, my coworker is concerned about her and the choices she's making. But my question is -- how long will she wait -- 2 years, 5 years, 15 years, 45 years?
How long is too long? And when does the dating expire? When is your "best if used by" date? And if you don't have one, shouldn't you? Don't you run the risk of letting something meant to be healthy become toxic?
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