The Internal Compass

What if there was such a thing as an internal compass? You know, something that instinctually points you in right direction? Have you ever had that feeling that you should be doing something you're not? And I'm not just talking about going to work out instead of watching Sex and the City. I mean significant decisions. For example, have you left a job interview and just knew that's where you were supposed to be? Or, have your worked in a position that once challenged you but now just makes you feel stuck in a rut? And how about dating? You know, the time when you just knew that guy (or girl!) was bad news. Call me crazy but a nagging conscience, to me, signals an internal compass.

Here's what I mean. I have a coworker who was with the company for over ten years but she always wanted to be a mom. And after some incredibly difficult times trying to have kids of her own, she and her husband were finally able to adopt a newborn a little over a year ago. Then, it happened. The internal compass starting pointing. She started to become conflicted over whether or not she should continue working full-time, and it didn't take long for that nagging conscience to go from a whisper to an all-out shout. I remember having many "pep talks" with her about her decision to leave -- the financial consequences of working part-time, the emotional strain on her if she stayed -- it was a hard decision for her. But the internal compass won out. She left her full-time job when her son was nine months old.

Then there's my dear friend who I affectionately call "Paranoid Polly." She is absolutely the sweetest person I know but she worries about everything. She the kind of girl who takes her birth control pill every morning at 6:30 am on the dot so her "schedule" doesn't get thrown off. I love her! She and her long-time boyfriend talked about relocating about eight months ago so they could be closer to his family. That was met with all kinds of discussion about timing and marriage and job change. You know, serious stuff. But "the timing" was bad and he had a job opportunity come up that pretty much made the decision for them to stick around a little longer. Then it happened. The bad economy affected his new job and before they knew it, he gave 30-day notice on his apartment and moved closer to his family with a matter of two weeks.

She got really anxious -- everything was happening so fast. But I reminded her that this is what they had planned all along. It was just happening at an accelerated rate. But the internal compass pointed, and her case, circumstances drove the car right to the spot on the map. Now she's applying to grad school in the new city and planning to join him later this year.

So the way I see it, it can be by choice, by circumstance, or by happenstance but when the compass points, it's a sign of the direction we should be headed. Otherwise, that whisper will start to shout.

So, I ask you -- are you and your internal compass traveling the same path, heading for the same destination?

Cell Phone Psychology

Hypothetically speaking...

What if the frequency with which you changed your cell phone number said something about where you are in your life? I thought about this the other day when I caught up with an old friend from high school who asked if I still kept in touch with another old friend.

As I was describing what I knew friend #2 to be doing these days, I told friend #1 that she should call her because she still had the same cell phone number as she did in high school (over ten years ago now). And as I thought about that a little more, it dawned on me that in a lot of ways, it was a metaphor for her life. She hadn't changed since high school either -- still doing the same things, in the same place, with most of the same people; still carrying the same emotional baggage, stuck in the same place she was over ten years ago with no real motivation to change.

Then I posed this question to my best friend, who thought it may have some merit. She told me about a friend of hers who had gotten into some business trouble over the past year and his rapid climb up the financial ladder seemed to be headed for a steep slip and fall. She had tried reaching him over the course of three months or so, and every month she called, his number had been disconnected -- changed. So, when we talked about this cell phone psychology theory, it led her to ask, "what (or better yet, who) is he running from?"

Then there's my best friend herself, who I affectionately describe as the black Carrie Bradshaw. She doesn't engage in casual sex by any stretch of the imagination ala Carrie, but she does meet men just about anywhere. I recall the "at the stoplight" and "the misdialed phone number" incidents as two of the most memorable. But I digress. She recently changed her cell phone number and everyone from my husband to her classmates to old church friends asked her which guy she was trying to get rid of.

So, I thought about my own cell phone number. The last time I changed it was shortly after I got engaged. That was over five years ago. New status, new number, I guess. And, while I have changed phones in last five years, the number has stayed the same. That, too, can be seen as a metaphor. Some things have changed. I took on a new job, finished my master's, moved into a new place, had a baby. So there have been changes. But the foundation of all of that -- my relationship with my husband -- is the same. And even though the phones may have changed, the foundation of how you reach me is still the same.

When was the last time you changed your cell phone number? Is your life changing with it?

Dealing in the Hypothetical

I have a friend who has a friend...

How many times have you heard that? And isn't that "friend of a friend" always some obscure person who seems dangerously close to unstable, unpredictable, unmanageable, or downright unbelievable?

What happens when these phantom figures aren't just a figment of our imagination, but someone close to you? What if this phantom figure is....you?! Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Or, what if, hypothetically speaking, things were just different? What if Sarah Palin wasn't delusional (I'm definitely gonna blog about that later!)? What if pregnancy was a gender crap shoot? (This topic courtesy of Jin.) What if the perfect guy did exist? What if?

So this blog is where the hypothetical meets the plausible, and in some cases, crashes into the downright actual.

Hope you enjoy!